Football Ranters - The Football Ranter and The Danchise

Football Ranters – “Not All Football, Not All the Time”

billschiffler — Wed, 23 May 2012 02:20:11 +0000

Lunatics, if you’re anything like us, you’ve already started envisioning your dominant fantasy football season, including how you’re going to construct the perfect roster. Need to know which rookies to factor into that mix, and which to avoid like Santonio Holmes avoids drug tests? The Danchise has you covered this week as we all return to his fantasy corner. Plus, Jonathan Vilma doesn’t understand slander, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar likes porn and and Anquan Boldin seeks more oxygen.

Also, if you have any suggestions for a future Opening Rant, visit FootballRanters.com and send us an email. Your idea just may appear in a future episode, Lunatics!

Football Ranters – “…But We Digress”

billschiffler — Wed, 16 May 2012 16:55:32 +0000

We’re fully in the thick of it now, Lunatics: three long, football-less months. The weather may be warming up, but in our hearts there’s nothing but grey dreariness. But, to snap you out of that funk, the Football Ranters have scoured the far recesses of the Earth — or at least, the Internet — to bring you every bit of news this week. From Incomplete Headlines to our new segment, “Yardline News,” we’ll get you up to speed on every tidbit of NFL minutiae out there. Plus, learn about a new spectator sport to take your mind off football (not really) and enjoy the return of an old favorite, Fake Injury Report.

Also, if you have any suggestions for a future Opening Rant, visit FootballRanters.com and send us an email. Your idea just may appear in a future episode, Lunatics!

Football Ranters – “In Which We Discuss Things That Aren’t Funny”

billschiffler — Wed, 09 May 2012 16:26:34 +0000

This episode’s lofty title is in honor of Peter King, who has once again drawn the ire of the Football Ranter this week, for — as usual — being a completely out of touch asshat. After dealing with King and his buddy Mr. Roethlisberger, the Ranters turn their attention to the untimely suicide of Junior Seau, and whether there is anything to be done to prevent the bane of life after football. Up for discussion are the link between blows to the head and depression, the level of violence in today’s game relative to days past and whether the league can remain marketable while keeping players safe. It’s not somber all the way around, however. Listen in to hear about the latest pro to face the wrath of the law, as well as the new sports craze that may be (but certainly won’t be) sweeping the nation soon. Oh, and don’t forget to visit our website, where you can check out our great accompanying content and subscribe to our various feeds. It can’t always be fun and games, Lunatics.

Football Ranters – “The Ranties”

billschiffler — Wed, 02 May 2012 16:08:19 +0000

Roll out the red carpet and cue the wrap up music, it’s time for the 1st Annual Ranties Awards! The 2012 NFL Draft is in the books, but now find out who is taking home the real prize: a completely imaginary and in no way tangible award based on the subjective opinion of a couple guys who talk about football on the radio! (Note: that gives us exactly as much credibility as everyone else throwing around arbitrary draft grades.) From the biggest reach to the worst hug to the best all around draft, we’ll bestow these much sought after awards upon their deserving winners. Plus, don’t miss the latest editions of BUSTED, Incomplete Headlines and Football 101. Oh, and our own edition of arbitrary draft grades will be published on FootballRanters.com later in the week. Just 3 months until the Hall of Fame Game, Lunatics.

Football Ranters – The Spectacularly Spectacular Draft Spectacular Show

billschiffler — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 16:37:21 +0000

The draft is here! The draft is here! Well, close enough, anyway. In honor of the most awesome offseason event the NFL can reasonably offer us, Ranter and The Danchise look back over the draft history of every team. We decide who is the best, who sucks the most and who will be next for each and every team in the league. We also check in with the team from Shorty’s, the host bar of the 1st Annual Football Ranters NFL Draft Party. All that plus new editions of Incomplete Headlines, Football 101 and BUSTED! Don’t forget to enter our mock draft contest – it’s free and you can win great prizes. Next week, we give kneejerk reactions and arbitrary grades to your favorite teams based on our perception of their draft performance. It’s a party all the time, Lunatics.

Football Ranters – “That’s ‘Superlatives’, NOT ‘Super Laxatives’”

billschiffler — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 17:36:30 +0000

With the NFL Draft just about a week away, the Football Ranters are ready to send off this year’s draft class, high school yearbook style. Find out which classmate you would most want to hang out with and who to stay far away from after graduation. We also got a healthy dose of listener mail this week, which we will dive into face-first. All that, plus we check on the quasi-prophetic ramblings of Lisbeth Salander’s uncle, refer to Kim Kardashian way too many times and learn about how to keep score when you’re tipsy. More NFL Draft content will be live on our site as the big day approaches, and be sure to RSVP for our big draft party in NYC. Just one more show until the draft, Lunatics.

Football Ranters – “Please Draft Responsibly”

billschiffler — Wed, 11 Apr 2012 17:06:21 +0000

What happens around the Football Ranters when nothing happens in the NFL? Well, we do what anyone would do: we get drunk and do a mock draft. The results are stupefying, as listeners of this week’s episode will quickly discover. There’s more than just that tomfoolery, however– we delve into some more prospect scouting reports, learn who was BUSTED this week and talk to the man behind the greatest innovation in tailgate party history. An updated — and sober! — mock draft will be up on FootballRanters.com later in the week, and don’t forget about our NFL Draft Party. Be there or be a quadrilateral, Lunatics.

Football Ranters – “Whatcha Gonna Do?”

billschiffler — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 15:02:11 +0000

This past week was so slow for the NFL, a handful of current and former players had nothing to do but smoke weed and break into houses– ALLEGEDLY. Never fear, though, as the Football Ranters are never afraid to scrape up the very dregs from the bottom of the barrel to pique your interest in football. Through the most trying of times, we will always be there, even when the NFL promises new uniforms that turn out to absolutely suck, and even when The Danchise continues to not know which NFL players are which. We also have a big announcement this week regarding the NFL Draft while the Ranter begins his on air draft coverage in earnest. Speaking of which, there will be new mock drafts up every week on FootballRanters.com, where you can also learn more details about our draft party and upcoming mock draft contest. It’s April, Lunatics!

Football Ranters – “Sanctions and Tebows and Bowties, OH MY!”

billschiffler — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 17:03:57 +0000

The mighty wrath of Goodell has reared its ugly head once again, casting out Gregg Williams to a potential lifetime of exile, in much the same way Elway has exiled Tebow to the modern day Sodom and Gomorrah of NYC. Your hosts have plenty to say about these pieces of league-shaking news, plus a healthy dose of incomplete headlines, two new segments and some mail from the loyal Lunatics. Suck it all in, Lunatics — this is the most fun you can have in the offseason.

Football Ranters – “No More Waitin’ for Peyton”

billschiffler — Wed, 21 Mar 2012 22:01:38 +0000

It’s official: Peyton Manning is a Bronco, and so ends the biggest story of this offseason. Your hosts find more questions than answers in this turn of events, and break down each of those questions one by one. After discussing all things Godfather, Ranter and The Danchise turn their attention to grading the freshest crop of free agent signings and following up on all those “Price is Right” segments. Also, ever wonder what would happen if The Danchise were to call out Sports Illustrated’s Peter King on Twitter? Well, it happened, and the results weren’t pretty. Tune in for more, and check out our website as we ramp up for the 2012 NFL Draft.

Football Ranters – “When Free Agency Happens to Good People”

billschiffler — Wed, 14 Mar 2012 15:25:20 +0000

Free agency time is here once more, and the spending spree has begun. The Ranters grade the big moves from Tuesday afternoon, as well as breaking down the two recent blockbuster trades. Listeners can looking forward to hearing answers to the tough questions: Did the Redskins overpay for RGIII? Can the Browns be good this year? And just who does Roger Goodell think he is, anyway? If that’s not enough ranting for you just yet, check out our website for the daily quote, comprehensive mock draft and more stellar NFL content, all shoved straight into your face holes.

Football Ranters – “The Bounty Ranters”

billschiffler — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 22:50:35 +0000

Bounties, bounties everywhere, but not a leg to break. Both the Ranter and The Danchise are up in arms about Bountygate this week, a scandal that has not only shamed New Orleans, but also threatens to impact the NFL cities of Buffalo, Washington, Nashville, Jacksonville and St. Louis. Yes, we hate Gregg Williams plenty, but that’s not all. We also take the time to actually figure out what the franchise tag is, who now wears it, who will soon be rid of it and who has dodged it. All that, plus the latest installments of “Make Me a Contender” and “The Price is Right.” If that’s not quite enough to feed your football jones, check out the Ranter’s latest mock draft on our website.

Football Ranters – “The Scouting Combine Combo Show”

billschiffler — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 17:23:10 +0000

Like methadone to a heroin addict, so is the scouting combine to the fan’s raging football habit in the absence of an NFL season. This week, your fearless co-hosts mainline a syringe of 40 times and bench press reps to stem the tide of nausea and violent shakes that accompany your withdrawal symptoms. The Ranter tracks the biggest risers and fallers and the combine, while The Danchise joins the Church of Robert Griffin III. All the combine news you could possibly care about, plus the latest installments of “The Price is Right” and “Make Me a Contender.” Be sure to see how the combine results affect our official mock draft, which will be published on our website in the coming weeks.

Football Ranters – “The Offseason Can Be Fun, Too!”

billschiffler — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 17:23:40 +0000

The hosts make every attempt to help football fans keep it together without their precious intravenous hits of that sweet, sweet pigskin. A startling amount of sanity carries the day as your two loyal hosts discuss Brandon Carr’s price tag, only to give way to unbridled discord when it comes to injecting new life into the Jacksonville Jaguars. We revisit the Jaws era of Monday Night Football, review the effects of the new kickoff rules (further analysis available on our website starting on Thursday) and openly mock Brady Quinn. It’s the next best thing to actual NFL football, so dig in and enjoy.

Football Ranters – “Offseason Excursion”

billschiffler — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 21:58:06 +0000

The Ranter opens by giving Atlanta wide receiver Roddy White a free lesson in economics, then goes through the headlines with the Danchise and makes the worst joke in show history. Fortunately, the pair pick things up by showing everyone how to make a terrible team a contender just by adding Jason Campbell. The Danchise then finds the best endorsement deal for a trio of players and wraps things up with some off-season predictions.

at our website – link to http://www.footballranters.com

Football Ranters – “Super Bowl Hangover”

billschiffler — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 17:05:13 +0000

As great as the Super Bowl was, it’s left your faithful hosts in a state of depression, as even the Ranter himself has trouble mustering his trademark venom. Still, both he and The Danchise fight off the blues (and maybe pop some amphetamines) long enough to argue about Ahmad Bradshaw, giggle at Rob Gronkowski and tackle Tom Coughlin’s Hall of Fame resume. All that, plus the latest chapter in the Peyton/Eli debate, a very special Super Bowl edition of “You F*cking Suck” and a healthy bucket of Haterade gets dumped all over the Boston metro area by the Danchise. Get your fix throughout the offseason at our website, where the season never really ends.

Football Ranters – “The Stupendous Super Bowl Super Show”

billschiffler — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 17:23:31 +0000

Even The Football Ranters are in a good mood this week, as the most magical week in the manic sports year is finally upon us: Super Bowl Sunday. Fear not, though, it’s not all sunshine and smiles from your curmudgeonly hosts, as Ranter hates the bye week and The Danchise is flat out bored. Listen in for our Super Bowl prediction, tips on hosting a great viewing party, a Pro Bowl edition of You Fucking Suck and the triumphant return of HOUSE. All that and more gets shoved straight into your face holes in this episode and at our website, footballranters.com.

Football Ranters – “NOT a Super Bowl Preview Show”

billschiffler — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 23:09:35 +0000

Fresh off two of the most exciting games of the year, both hosts have plenty of hate to mete out for some offending conference championship goats. The font of pre-Super Bowl buzz makes for a deluxe edition of Incomplete Headlines, and we discuss Peyton Manning’s latest media tantrum. Find out if you despise the Pro Bowl as much as the Ranter does, but remember: this is NOT a Super Bowl preview show. Seriously. To follow all the rants, musings and quasi-drunken tweets, check out our website.

Football Ranters – “Divisional Recap & Conference Championship Chaos”

billschiffler — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 17:13:51 +0000

Two NFC heavyweights went down hard last week, and that crazy coaching carousel just won’t stop spinning. The Football Ranter and The Danchise offer their unique takes on these situations, as well as offering headline editing assistance, piling on Jacoby Jones and exacting another helping of hate for Scott Pioli. Stick around both host’s picks and predictions for the upcoming Conference Championships, plus The Danchise’s stellar statistical stylings. Supplementary content will be available on our website starting on Thursday morning.

Football Ranters – “Wild Card Weekend Recap & Divisional Playoff Predictions”

billschiffler — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 22:52:01 +0000

Wild card weekend lived up to its billing in more ways than one, as the Ranter goes off on the weekend’s officiating crews. Meanwhile the Danchise takes us all through another spin on the NFL coaching carousel and doles out some hate to Detroit cornerback Aaron Berry. Finally the pair previews the divisional round and locks in their predictions.

now online on our website. – link to http://www.footballranters.com

Football Ranters – “Week 17 Recap & Wild Card Wildness”

billschiffler — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 16:33:19 +0000

With the dawn of a New Year comes the dawn of the NFL’s second season. It also marks the the Ranter’s return from his Caribbean exile, just in time to share his true feelings about Mike Tomlin, Raheem Morris and Steve Spagnuolo. There’s plenty of hate to go around for old friends of the program like Santonio Holmes, as well. The Danchise offers up some sage statistical advice for predicting the upcoming playoff games, and both hosts offer their informed and sophisticated (read: immature) analysis of this weekend’s big matchups. Don’t miss all that and more, plus the newest version of our mock draft now online on our website.

Football Ranters – “Week 16 Recap”

billschiffler — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 01:21:31 +0000

Week 16 Recap

Football Ranters – “Week 15 Recap”

billschiffler — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 17:33:22 +0000

The Ranter makes it clear he’s no fan of Peter King, then he and the Danchise talk playoff implications for teams on the bubble. The pair also introduce two new segments, “To Be or Not to Be” and “Sign/Franchise/Cut” before moving into their week 16 predictions. Accompanying videos and commentary are posted to our website starting on Thursday.

Football Ranters – “Week 14 Recap”

billschiffler — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 19:20:48 +0000

There’s way more Tebow than The Danchise’s sanity can handle this week, but there’s also plenty of Ranter hate for Scott Pioli and Todd Haley. Both hosts share their thoughts on the close and controversial finishes around the league, at least until The Danchise nearly ends The Ranter’s incessant yammering with a James Harrison-style helmet-to-helmet shot. Don’t miss a moment of the action, plus Fantasy Corner, You F*cking Suck and our Week 15 Picks, which will also be _posted on our website_.

Football Ranters – “Week 13 Recap”

billschiffler — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 00:20:08 +0000

Jason Garrett, Fred Davis and Trent Williams are among those in the crosshairs of the Ranters this week. Listen up as they get what’s coming to them for their idiocy, while the hosts continue to drool all over Aaron “Godgers” Rodgers. All that, plus what’s up with the Lions, why no one wants Donovan McNabb and who to enlist on your fantasy roster during the playoff push. Accompanying videos, commentary and weekly picks are posted to our website starting on Thursday each week.

Football Ranters – “Week 12 Recap”

billschiffler — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 20:03:27 +0000

Ranter doles out some punishment this week as Norv Turner ends up in the Ranter’s doghouse for giving up on his team. Meanwhile, the Danchise dishes out some hate on Jack Del Rio and Ndamukong Suh, then walks us through the often terrifying terrain of late-season waiver pickups in his “fantasy corner.” Accompanying videos and commentary are posted to our website starting on Thursday.

Football Ranters – “Week 11 Recap”

billschiffler — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 15:54:56 +0000

Ranter is miffed to discover that The Danchise doesn’t have a sister, and completely incensed over the NFL’s rules regarding possession in the end zone. Twitter skirmishes involving John Elway and Josh Scobee make waves, Raheem Morris makes excuses and Joe Bucks makes viewers want to cry. Listen in for the low down on all that, plus The Danchise’s Fantasy Corner, weekly picks and we answer mail from you, the listeners. Accompanying videos and commentary are posted to our website starting on Thursday.

Football Ranters – “Week 10 Recap”

billschiffler — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 18:01:38 +0000

Quarterback injuries and incompetent coaching are big stories this week. The Danchise rescues your fantasy season from a QB emergency in his Fantasy Corner, while asserting that Tony Romo still sucks and Carson Palmer is definitely a ginger. Meanwhile, Ranter vents some vendettas against some of the biggest names in coaching and finally gives insight into his hatred for lefties. The hosts answer mailbag questions straight from the listeners and give their expert picks on every upcoming game in Week 11. Look forward to revised picks and link to the “HOUSE!” video of the week on the Football Ranters’ new website, footballranters.com.

Football Ranters – “Week 9 Recap”

billschiffler — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 16:45:35 +0000

The Danchise is in the mood to coin quarterback nicknames this week, while Ranter is skeptical of Danchise’s knowledge of fake punts. The duo cover all the maladies, owies and boo boos in the newest edition of the “Fake Injury Report” before recapping a Week 9 full of division rivalries, rematches and grudge matches. Find out who scored big on “HOUSE” as well as who screwed the pooch in “You F***ing Suck.” Clips of these extraordinary plays will be available on our blog. As usual, the Danchise gives expert fantasy advice and both hosts breaj out their picks for Week 10 in the NFL.

on our blog — http://footballranter.blogspot.com

Football Ranters – “Week 8 Recap”

billschiffler — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 22:40:50 +0000

The Ranter can’t say “Peter King” in this week’s episode, while The Danchise continues his crusade to have Tony Romo exposed for the awful quarterback that he is. In addition to recapping all the NFL action from Week 8, your valiant hosts unveil two new segments: “The Opening Rant” and “Fantasy Corner with The Danchise.” From Tim Tebow to Nick Hardwick, we leave no stone unturned and no sensibility unoffended in covering everything on the gridiron. As usual, you can expect to hear about the return TD of the week in our weekly “HOUSE” segment, as well as a complete rehash of the biggest football boner we could find in “You ****ing Suck.” Stick around to the end for our Week 9 picks, which are revised every Saturday on the official Football Ranters blog.