Love and Relationships

Ask Dr. Love

Dr. Jamie Turndorf

Ask Dr. Love – Do You Take Things Too Personally? (And Is This Putting a Hurt on Your Relationships?)

Do you often feel like your partner is putting you down or blaming you…even when he/she swears that’s not the case?

If you said, “yes,” you may be suffering from what’s called Excessive Personalization.

Excessive Personalization is a cognitive distortion that springs out of the narcissism of childhood in which kids believe the world revolves around them. Many people never outgrow the “baby brain.” This combined with being criticized as a child can result in the tendency to self-blame and to hear criticism from our partners even when criticism isn’t being delivered.

And when you feel criticized and put down, the natural reaction is to become angry. Of course, anger begets an angry response. This leads to a downward spiral of fighting that has divorce (or breakup) written all over it.

There is a way out!

Listen to this week’s show and discover my 7 steps for eliminating Excessive Personalization. When you discover how to train your brain to level with you, rather than level you, you will be able to substitute Excessive Personalization for the ability to see and hear what your partner is actually saying! When this happens, it’s time to sit back and watch your relationship soar to new levels of happiness and joy.