Health and Wellness

Healing From Within

Sheryl Glick

A REPLACEMENT CHILD’S JOURNEY TO HEALING

Welcome to Healing From Within. Your host Sheryl Glick author of The
Living Spirit Answers for Healing and Infinite Love a tale of spiritual
awakening healing energies miracles and ways to find your inner self
which is worthy of love and holds infinite possibilities for success and
is delighted to welcome Barbara Jaffe author of When Will I Be Good
Enough? The book is about helping replacement children understand and
accept their own challenged journeys through Barbara revealing her own
difficult childhood as a replacement child for a brother who had died.
We explore the wounds that all children face when transparency openness
and often love is missing in their family life

Listeners of this show are well aware our guests and I share intimate
stories which offer a view of the Universal Laws of Energy which when
understood and utilized help us merge our spiritual and physical lives
to create beautiful fulfilling lives of joy and happiness despite the
hardships of our childhood traumas and wounds. Sheryl as an intuitive
healer/medium has shared so many sorrows and suffering due to the loss
of a child for her clients, but has never discussed the topic of a
replacement child. All parents feel sad and traumatized by the loss of
the child and their own feelings of failure. Their hopes for healing
their marriages and family with the addition of another child are
already compromised as only love brings love, and fear brings fear.
Until we understand the Law of Attraction and the dynamics of energy we
are at a loss to conquer the lower vibrations and emotions that cause so
much damage.

In today’s episode of “Healing From Within” Barbara Jaffe who is an
English professor and current Fellow in UCLA’s Department of Education
and was honored as Outstanding Woman of the Year and Distinguished
Teacher of the Year will share her journey and difficulties as a
replacement child many of whom are often thought of as “less than” by
comparison to the lost child. We will hopefully remind ourselves how
important it is to embrace and love each child just as they are without
comparison or expectations, but simply to nurture and help them develop
confidence and self-esteem to guide them through challenges by feeling
the complete support of their parents family and others.

Barbara gives the definition of a replacement child and the implications
of her own experiences as a replacement child. The traditional
definition of a replacement child is a child born after the death of
another child in the family. The new baby was intentionally conceived to
replace the child that was lost. Often the family had not anticipated
having another child until this tragic loss. However, the acknowledged
characteristics of a replacement child often lend themselves to other
children whose lives have been affected by an alcoholic, a depressed
parent or emotionally detached parent, or an abusive parent. In other
words most children in one way or another reflect the wounds and
emotional traumas of their parents and ancestors.

Sheryl says…those conditions just mentioned would apply to almost every
family, as there are no perfect people or families, and in our modern
day society so many natural and spiritual approaches to healing and
appreciating life have been replaced by a materialistic minded
technological society which adds to and promotes addictions
psychosomatic emotional and physical illnesses. So what we are talking
about here relates to all families and how they are relating to their
children.

In my book The Living Spirit in regard to this thought I wrote…”After
realizing that my life was the result of my choices as well as the
result of the Divine plan we are born with, I have surrendered many of
my illusionary fears and asked Spirit to direct and guide me towards the
fulfillment of my spiritual purpose. Of course I like others still
possess human frailties and at times have misinterpreted thoughts.
However, I hope to continue in small increments to develop unconditional
love for others without expectations. Doesn’t every human heart seek
love without judgment? When we can accept each other with our earthly
limitations, without wanting to change, fix or blame each other, then a
greater sense of peace and freedom will be established.

Through the pain of loss we might discover or reawaken to the force of
life that is eternal and know that nothing is ever loss just transformed
or transmuted to other realms or dimensions of life. Those who believe
we are more than our bodies and that life exists beyond the physical
surely have an easier time dealing with the loss of a child than those
who do not know this truth, as they know the energy and love of that
child are around them and they will see them again down the road. That
is the gift of faith and trust in a Divine plan.

Barbara tells us that her brother Jeffrey was almost two when he died
before she was even born, yet his short life affected her profoundly.
Yes it is incredible to think that a toddler’s short life and tragic
death could affect her own life and that of the family so profoundly and
for so long. Barbara writes, “I think sadly my mother was never able or
allowed to healthily grieve for the loss of her child. I am told the
story that soon after Jeffrey’s death the doctor came to the house and
my grief stricken mother was lying depressed in the bed. He literally
slapped her across her face and told her to get over it. He reminded her
she already had another child and told her to have another. This
flippant and abusive attitude along with the culture of the 1950’s only
increased her anxiety and the inability to have the time and therapy to
deal with the loss of her baby. Ironically my brother’s short life
didn’t affect me as much as his death and the implied messages not to
talk about him while growing up. While my father wanted to share his
memories of Jeffrey, my mother did not. Along with photographs of
Jeffrey in various rooms around the house, I still felt the silent
presence of his loss throughout my childhood and young adulthood.

Sheryl grew up with parents much like Barbara’s and the secrecy and fear
that permeated the culture of the fifties with parents who suffered
through World War 11 and their parents who suffered from the financial
depression before that were traumatized and fearful and that fear
tarnished their hopes for living the American dream as perhaps, another
tragedy might be right around the corner. Barbara’s mother might have
felt a personal sense of failure as mothers in that time were mainly
devoted to family and children and their thoughts and efforts were
concentrated on the home while the fathers had their work and careers.

While Barbara’s mother rarely talked about Jeffrey and offered little
information her father on the other hand was happy to talk about him and
even showed the last set of movies taken of him the Christmas of 1952
four months before he died. Barbara’s father answered every question
asked about him. He even shared Jeffrey’s baby book whose last sad entry
was made by my father. Her mother never looked at the book.

Sheryl asks Barbara if she thought her mom or dad had any spiritual idea
of consciousness surviving physical death or the concept of an
afterlife. The reason she asks that question is because she feels it is
much harder for those who do not understand the Universal Concepts of
Energy and that each life has a time to begin and time to end. There is
no punishment or blame attached, just destiny. Life never really ends as
all we are energy beings and energy or consciousness can never be
destroyed. As a medium Sheryl has shared so many wonderful messages of
beauty and love from Spirit that awakens people to an awareness of their
own soul essence and to their loved ones in Spirit who often surround
them, and also to the need we all have to embrace “all that is” and know
nothing is random. We can and must allow accept and surrender to the Big
Plan in order to find meaning purpose love and any semblance of moving
past the wounds and traumas of this physical life and a three
dimensional reality.

When Will I Be Good Enough? is a book that is relevant to readers who
are not replacement children. Anyone who has grown up with issues that
have limited them from reaching their full potential will recognize that
the internalized patterns from childhood regardless of birth order or
family dynamics, color their choices and decisions, until they recognize
they no longer need to abide by other people’s impressions and values
and learn to let go, and begin to create new ways to flourish following
their own dreams and hopes. It is quite common for siblings raised by
the same parents to have different accounts memories and perspectives of
events in their family life. No two people’s perceptions are the same.
We all process the outside world through the lens of our own emotions
and memories.

Sheryl Says..” As unique beings we come into life with a soul wisdom and
many past experiences and learn from our choices no matter the result,
to create something in a new and more refined way than perhaps was
experienced in another time and place. Therefore all experiences are
valuable as we are improving our soul’s energy and essence.…it doesn’t
matter how long or short a life is for it was in that soul’s life plan
to end in the way and time that it did. Perhaps when someone dies it
also serves to help another soul to accomplish their proposed destiny.
Therefore the passing may be seen as a gift from one soul to another to
allow them to accomplish and do something good that is needed for that
soul’s journey. So Jeffrey’s early passing offered your parents and
brother challenges that may have been necessary in their life and soul
development.

Through Sheryl’s observation of twin siblings she has been able to see
how common it is for siblings to develop very different perspectives on
life. In her book The Living Spirit she refers to twins having different
soul destinies and wrote, “ One day as I sat on a lovely beach in Maine
with my grandchildren I suddenly noticed two women standing several feet
away and to my left. With them were two teenage girls that appeared to
be their daughters. The women looked so very much alike and I called out
to them and asked if they were twins. They said that they were. However,
it was immediately apparent—even from a distance—that one was
energetically much older than the other. I walked closer to them to
continue talking and noticed that the woman who appeared older had a
scar on her chest. She soon disclosed to me that that she had several
surgeries and radiation therapy for cancer….I realized as I observed the
twin sisters that while they were identical physically, their life
choices and probably their energetic or soul influences were very
different. As a result of the needs and development of their souls,
their physical lives, health, relationship experiences and their
spiritual awareness, their souls’ life plans were distinctly different.

Brothers and sisters of chronically ill siblings as well as those in
blended families (step and half) can have similar issues to those of
replacement children and, can flourish despite his/her placement.
Barbara shares with us and writes,” Brothers and sisters of ill siblings
can experience similar issues to those of replacement children. Even if
the ill child recovers those healthy children are affected by the
parent’s focus on their ill sibling especially if the child is
hospitalized. Again, these are unforeseen tragic circumstances that
cannot be helped yet other children are forever changed by their parents
fears and experience. I think a healthy honest discussion of the
situation can go for a long way in helping the remaining healthy
child/children cope with the changes in the family. Even children who
are suddenly blended into a family due to divorce and or remarriage or
those born from a new union can experience issues related to those
experienced by replacement children especially when children are
compared to others and goals and expectations by parents challenging to
the children. Of course the good news is that all children can flourish
despite being born to replace a child or experiencing their ill sibling
recover or pass away. In addition children of divorce and remarriage can
also do quite we.. We can all have good and wonderful lives. To do that
we must accept our challenging unique experiences and grow from them
instead of viewing our selves blaming ourselves as victims of
circumstances. It is indeed our attitude and choice to move past sorrow
and not succumb to suffering needlessly and endlessly.”

Barbara’s unique experiences as a replacement child impacted her own
parenting style. A legacy of minimal self-confidence and her extreme
desire to please definitely affected her parenting. She often doubted
her decisions when in retrospect they were generally fine. She felt that
other mothers knew how to parent better than she even when this wasn’t
true. It was as if she had no natural motherhood blueprint to
internalize yet kept searching and trying and working so hard. She fell
short of her own expectations because they were impossibly high. She
lived with a tremendous amount of self-imposed guilt wondering what she
could do differently to make her children happier or better. When she
wasn’t working she felt as if she was with them too much and thought
that this was negatively affecting them. When she worked she felt she
should be home with them. She spent undo emotional energy and felt
extreme inner turmoil. Barbara often felt tormented by her own thoughts.
Basically she carried within her the belief that she wasn’t a good
enough mother. It took her years to realize that this was erroneous
thinking. Of course she loved her children and did her best as most of
us do
.
Sheryl says, “As a young mother even though I had been an elementary
teacher I felt totally unprepared for the very challenging job. In
retrospect and because of how life has unfolded for me personally I
realize now that our soul has a unique life plan and we as our children
must develop and find our own path. Children do not define us and we
cannot define our children. From the beginning my son and my daughter
were very different in their response to what I tried to do with
fairness and similar intent for each of them. Their responses and
perceptions might have not realized that I had the same love for both.
From within their soul remembrances and individual needs to explore and
improve life in their own way they simply saw me and my behaviors
differently . I had little to do with many of the things that challenged
them though I thought all their issues were part and parcel of my
parenting practices. Of course at that time I was unaware that as
spiritual beings having a physical life we had to make sense of our own
experiences and choices that would refine our emotions. I remembered and
recognized that my own parents had intervened little when I was young
and allowed me to flow through emotional states often resolving them
myself and not encouraging a state of victimhood or putting too much
attention on negative behavior and I tried to do the same with my
children. I believe we can be an example for our children without
imposing our will or controlling their interests as so many
parents…”Helicopter parents” always on top of them, are doing in today’s
society. Let’s learn to leave judgment out of the equation for parenting
and just muddle through it with good intentions. Just love them and
listen to them and let them be in their own intuitive state of learning
and growing. Sheryl feels that the greatest thing a parent or teacher
can do for their children is to encourage self-development and love of
self through approval for their interests. It is also wise not to
encourage excessive competition which sets up an environment that often
leads to failure self doubt and negativity which could eventually lead
to emotional and physical health issues.”

Barbara describes her own path of discovery and how she “Put yourself
back together” despite feeling “less than”

Barbara wrote, “Over the years I spent countless hours reading self-help
books. I had my own therapy with different therapists, two wonderful
caring individuals who guided me to my own realizations and
breakthroughs. They also validated me and helped me work through my own
insecurities. The voice of insecurity became more of a whisper of my
inner strength of perseverance and determination to become whole again,
become stronger. I was willing to examine the pieces of myself that were
“off” that made me uncomfortable and the elements of my life that could
make me happier and serene with diligence. I wanted for myself what I
saw in others—the ability to go through life without feeling as if I
were walking in quicksand. I did not give up. I processed my thoughts on
paper and worked through Julia Cameron’s The Artists Way which provided
a guided course in reflective writing. I took myself on two one-on-one
writing and spiritual retreats that also helped me focus on my own
growth and needs.

Barbara hopes that readers are inspired by her story, a story of a woman
who worked hard to grow out of her perceived limitations. Most of all,
in reading her story, she hopes readers will be able to see
themselves—to connect perhaps to some element of their lives where they
might have felt less than or not enough. It’s important to acknowledge
that we all walk with something—we all have issues that can limit our
potential our happiness and most important our serenity if we allow them
to. With reflection and diligence, we can achieve an enriched joyful
life. Life is joyful despite our challenges.

Barbara Jaffe author of When Will I Be Good Enough shares remarkable
insights into the challenges of self-doubt and fear, of being less than
perfect whether a replacement child or simply a human being thrown into
the complexity of life within the framework of constant emotional
changes challenges and the expectations of so many perspectives. It is
indeed the challenge we all face.

In summarizing today’s episode of Healing from Within we have discussed
one of the most challenging experiences a family and child may go
through .. That is the loss of a child and then replacement of that
child with another child so the family might heal and go forward to
create a new life.

As a medium Sheryl has experienced the pain of families as well as the
joyful messages of love renewal and afterlife their loved ones convey in
their energy messages suggesting that life does go on, learning goes on,
and all experiences are neither good nor bad, just experiences that
provides our souls to advance in greater compassion and love. This
knowledge encourages us to allow accept and surrender to life’s many
challenges and to begin to move past sorrow pain guilt blame anger and
disillusionment as a result of loss or tragedy. The mind and physical
life look for answers and expect that suffering is necessary, but life
unfolds for each child and each person as planned long before our
physical incarnation. We have a time to come and to go. Trust in that
truth and know that in Spirit we will find our loved ones with a smile
on their face and great gratitude in their hearts for the love we had
for them in life. Sheryl hopes you may be blessed with this enlightening
awareness and begin to find peace and joy in life here and beyond.

Barbara and I would have you know beyond the shadow of a doubt you were
born with a magnificent unique spirit and are one of a kind and are
INDEED good enough from the beginning, so you only have to remind
yourself of that on a daily basis and love the gift of YOUR life.

Today’s Guest

www.barbaraannjaffe.com