Lunatics, if you’re anything like us, you’ve already started envisioning your dominant fantasy football season, including how you’re going to construct the perfect roster. Need to know which rookies to factor into that mix, and which to avoid like Santonio Holmes avoids drug tests? The Danchise has you covered this week as we all return to his fantasy corner. Plus, Jonathan Vilma doesn’t understand slander, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar likes porn and and Anquan Boldin seeks more oxygen.

Also, if you have any suggestions for a future Opening Rant, visit FootballRanters.com and send us an email. Your idea just may appear in a future episode, Lunatics!