Moving from Indecision to Smart Choices
Welcome to Healing From Within with your host Sheryl Glick author of The Living Spirit Answers for Healing and Infinite Love and her newly released new book in the trilogy A New Life Awaits: Spirit Guided Insights to Support Global Awakening which share stories of knowing how your alignment to the world of Universal Energy and intuition offer opportunities to create your best life both here in the physical life and beyond. Sheryl is delighted to welcome Joseph Bikart, author of The Art of Decision Making for it is in the choices we make with the information available to us at the time that encourages us to live our life plan with purpose, prosperity, health, and joy.
As listeners have come to expect through the years Sheryl and her guests have been sharing intimate and insightful looks at the connect between the physical and metaphysical elements of life as we know it, and as it actually continues to unfold, we find Universal Laws of Energy that when understood and practiced, can help us reach our full potential as human soul beings and help us excel at living with compassion and love for all life.
In today’s episode of Healing From Within: Joseph Bikart is a founding partner and director of the international consulting firm Templar Advisors. For the past twenty years following a career in investment banking he has advised leaders in corporate and public life on their communication and negotiations. Through his work with thousands of decision-makers, he has created Decisiology, an innovative approach to executive coaching drawing from his studies at the Institute of Psychoanalysis and at the Tavistock in London. In today’s show drawing from philosophy psychology, literature and theology, Joseph Bikart uses decades of experience as an advisor to leading companies around the world to explore how and why we make decisions and how to restore volition. In the words of Miles Davis, “Its not the note you play that’s the wrong note, it is the note you play afterwards that makes it right or wrong.”
The Art of Decision Making is set up in a way that shows readers why it is important for people to confront the way they approach decision making or procrastinate. The book is broken into four parts and punctuated with short practical essays to insure a lively and compelling exploration of the process of decision making covering indecision, how we get stuck, and the importance of relaxing one’s grip, how to approach the momentum of decisiveness and keep focused while progressing from will to action and using the deciding mind to make smart choices and know the importance of perspective.
Indecision, indecision: What makes us indecisive? What holds us back and why. Joseph suggests it is the conflict between our head’s ego based reality and our heart’s energetic or soul based truths. “To be or not to be” is the genesis of each and every choice we make. Something simply is or isn’t. And the same applies to us. We decide to be or not to be, to live or not to live, to do or not to do. The point is not the outcome to be or not to be but the very fact that we face a decision. The quintessence of being human—defines what it means to stand in front of the abyss. We only truly exist when we stand there, in front of the choice we need to make ready to decide on being or not being, doing or not doing.
Sheryl says that she often says to her clients who come to her for intuitive readings and energy healing sessions that it is not in the doing, but in the being and what she means is it is in the refining of our intuitive soul energy not from our physical reality or challenges that we begin to understand the eternal life force and the wisdom of the universe so we may achieve in this lifetime what we were born to know: greater love and compassion and to remember who we are as spiritual beings having a physical life.
Joseph tells us of a time when one of his clients had a challenging decision to make and how they were finally able to make the best choice using the resources of their mind, heart, and soul.
Sheryl says: over the past 25 years, she has had many mystical experiences and has come to understand the duality of our spiritual and physical life. She has come to know we are guided by a destiny or life plan and whatever choice we make is the right choice no matter how it materializes for it will give us the experience that we need…so she no longer thinks in terms of good or bad or right or wrong…There is only experiences and the growth of soul wisdom as we maneuver this challenging physical world. Perhaps a hard choice for her was over twenty years ago when she began her Reiki energy healing practice and began to download information or messages for her clients she struggled with “should I or should I not” tell them what she is receiving from higher universal energy as with Reiki although it was a spiritual and alternative form of healing she had training and could feel and see the results of her work. But with these messages which sounded almost like a different language how could she explain it to other…so for about a year she struggled with making a choice…then at a spiritual retreat Robert Close a British medium told her that Sheryl’s father said that she should be giving the messages to her clients as it would help them along with the energy healing to resolve and release old traumas…Sheryl didn’t doubt it ever again and also didn’t care if others could not understand the gift of mediumship and healing she had decided to share with others…Sheryl also made a choice to share her new awareness that Consciousness survives physical death and promised to Spirit that she would carry the ball or message as far as she could to the goal line. Sheryl’s third book A New Life Awaits Spirit Guided Insights to Support Global Awakening will be available at the end of January 2020……
Joseph postulates, “Where Art Thou?” and how and where we get stuck and why is it important to relax one’s grip to allow a universal source to aid you in your life’s journey.
Sheryl says to Joseph that like all decision- making processes we must realize every human endeavor involves our internal remembrances of what was satisfying or traumatic along the way. We are the product of our societal training and the imprints of every interaction with each other and our environment. All beings seek to go from fear or a negative emotion to happiness, joy, bliss, success on the other end of the spectrum. So therefore, decision making may become easier if we remember who we are, relax into any fear that precludes our ability to make a decision, and trust that there is a bigger universal plan in operation and if we are patient and prudent but not resistant, almost any decision can give us the opportunity for great personal growth. It doesn’t matter whether we think we fail as a result of a decision chosen, for if we chose that decision, we will have the experience needed for personal growth and there really is no failure, only experience.
Joseph writes, “as your self-appointed guide on this journey, I will take you on a voyage of exploration. Think of it like an archaeological mission which led to the discovery in 1922 of Tutankhamun’s tomb with its fabulous treasure….The undertaking was achieved at the cost of much digging, much dusting, and probably much desperation before the final triumph. As archaeologists of volition, we need to be prepared for a similarly ambitious project. It will involve commitment and strength as we dig for psychological archetypes, long forgotten events and thought processes, as well as deep-rooted emotions. If decisions are a type of crisis our struggles to deal with them may not be surprising at all. It may be that the best way to deal with decisions is the way we respond to other crisis or the way we should. That is not by panicking self-doubt or renouncing what is difficult or painful but rather by listening intently to the heartbeat of the crisis, embracing it and turning it into opportunities.”
Joseph uses the term The Momentum of Decisiveness and explains that term, showing us ways to keep focus and to progress from will to action. He mentions Decisiology and says it is the methodology he has developed to help clients who struggle with important decisions.
Decisiology has three objectives: To improve the outcomes of specific decisions people face To help them make better decisions themselves.
To identify the common thread between those decisions people find particularly challenging and follow the thread down to its deepest roots.
Joseph uses the term The Deciding Mind and shares with us how we can make our smartest choices and the importance of perspective and perhaps defense mechanisms that hinder this development. A very clear minded and worthwhile thought to remember given as an orientation point by Joseph is, “Decision making often takes place amidst uncertainties: we take action having evaluated possible consequences but without knowing whether the desired outcomes will follow. The simple way to describe this approach is “risk.” When risks work out as hoped the problem with blaming fate is that we start to feel victimized by outside forces working against us. A healthier attitude is to make positive contingency plans to prepare for worst case scenarios. Some risks will work in our favor; others will not.”
Sheryl says: “most people avoid risks and procrastinate out of fear that they don’t have all the information or enough knowledge but then again there will never be enough as things are in constant state of change and there is no perfection so we must act in good faith after we examine the choices and proceed with caution so we can adapt and make any necessary change as we implement our choice or decision hoping for the best but being realistic and knowing we may need to ask for guidance or help as we move along towards our desired goals.”
In regard to the quest for perfection, Joseph writes, “The quest for perfection does not merely show lack of realism: it can also be regarded as narcissistic. Imperfection is intrinsic to human nature, yet many of the goals we set up for ourselves ignore this fact. When idealism infects our decision- making process, we can start entertaining dangerously unrealistic ideas about our capabilities.”
Beyond the misbeliefs of earlier training our thoughts of perfection being an achievable reality which of course is impossible there is the defense mechanism of Osmosis. We justify indecisiveness by not deciding. This behavior protects us as we are unlikely to be solicited for decisions by others let alone make them ourselves. As we lose faith in our opinions, this psychological device becomes a vicious circle of self-doubt. Defense mechanisms can be very complex but they do not necessarily imply they are effective. What is the hostile force that our defense mechanisms are trying to protect us from? The force is fear and fear is not always a negative emotion. It can at times alert us to unforeseen risks and help us to make better decisions or choices. Joseph suggests that decision-fear falls into seven categories which can be grouped under two headings: fears about the choices we make and fears about the consequences of our choices.
Fears about the choices we make:
Fear of rejecting a better option
Fear of choosing the wrong option
Fear of failure
Story of Leonardo Da Vinci who often failed to complete his projects perhaps out of the fear they would not become masterpieces and fulfill his vision that was already complete in his mind…He destroyed many sketches or drawings that disappointed him but in actuality beyond his sense of perfectionism were probably extraordinary.
Fear of heights
Fear of Identification
The fear of identification or the belief that any criticism of what we have created is a criticism of the intrinsic self. Our inner voice might tell us we are what we do. And it isn’t only our inner voice but that of our parents, teachers, managers clients and so on that may reinforce our own thoughts.
Fear of lack of recognition
This is also the fear of being taken for granted, of being disrespected. Fear of selfishness
If we elect to live in a world of connection we may yet have to face one further fear: that of unsettling others or of being perceived as acting in a selfish manner…There is a great difference between people feeling hurt by something we say or do and people being hurt.
Decision making is therefore often a narrowly personal operation. We have an agenda and seek to make decisions to advance it. However, a fully rounded person will always allow empathy to enter the field of play. We can become acutely aware of another person’s perspective projecting ourselves onto their predicament. When this modifies our decision making it shows the triumph of connection over self interest.
Sheryl says we are living in a time of great spiritual evolution and as many awaken to the fact that they are special beings having at the moment a physical reality
When it comes to decision making of any kind if we are stuck in a similar pattern of what Freud called repetition compulsion we may suddenly find that every decision seems labelled with the words….Mission Impossible.
Psychologists have identified through research 11 life traps which impede decision making.
The 11 life traps are:
Abandonment: Fear of being abandoned by your partner or someone important to you. Mistrust/abuse You mistrust others or tend to find yourself in abusive situations. Emotional deprivation You feel you will never obtain the love you need.
Dependence You feel unable to keep going without having someone to look after you. Defectiveness You feel there is something seriously wrong with you, though you might not quite know what it is.
Social exclusion You feel like an outsider, unable to fit in well with everyone else.
Failure You feel you yourself are a failure, based on your poor track record for success.
Entitlement: You feel that the world owes you something.
Subjugation: You feel controlled by other people.
Vulnerability You feel something terrible is likely to happen to you personally. Unrelenting standards You feel you must push yourself constantly, allowing no time for rest or enjoyment.
Identifying where we are stuck is an essential first step towards growing out of our narrow vision of the world and expanding into the largeness of our souls. Sheryl is so glad to hear mention of the soul need to expand and resolve any personal issues. The fears related to decision making can hide other deeper fears inherited from childhood. There are two childhood fear—engulfment and insufficiency—which taint our vision of the world and pervade our other fears. Unless we address any issues of engulfment and insufficiency we run the risk of remaining stuck in one or more of the 11 life traps.
Joseph Bikart would like to have readers of The Art of Decision Making take away with them after reading the book that although the idea that a decision emanates from an individual may seem self evident, it is valuable in implying that the starting point cannot be merely laying out available options on a cold clean slate or doing the standard analytical listing of pros and cons. Instead decision making has to involve tapping into intuition. We may never attain perfect decision making in itself if the decision is unknowable but our exploration must begin with our own feelings, sensations and intuition about what is needed. In that respect all decisions and especially tough decisions are a voyage of self-discovery.
Carl Jung wrote, “Intuition is concerned with time. The intuitive person is able to see around the corners to have hunches about things and is more interested in the possibilities of things than in their present existence. Intuition is what enables creativity.”
We thank Joseph Bikart author of The Art of Decision Making for sharing the many areas of study integrating philosophy, psychology, neurology, literature, art history and theology for addressing a crucial skill needed by all of us…..the ability to observe process and filter through much information so we can make viable choices to improve our personal and collective lives
In summarizing today’s episode of “Healing From Within,” Sheryl believes we have seen the process of decision making has been a thought of many philosophers psychologists and authors who have often come to the recognition that the human condition fear and trauma often harm a person’s sense of well being and it is in recognizing the event that created any dysfunction that we become confident and trust that inner small voice of intuition or spiritual guidance and become more adept at moving forward to make choice or decisions that advance our human development. We have learned that decision making is about discernment, knowing what your personal needs are and then allowing accepting whatever is feasible to move us forward towards health prosperity and self-awareness. We have discovered that the act of moving from one’s comfort zone by making decisions is also the journey that helps us know ourselves, our true essence and our ultimate purpose in life.
Joseph Bikart wrote, “Closer to home when I was planning to spend time in Rome to work on this book I mentioned to the author Martin Lloyd Elliot that on this occasion I was not intending to bring my camera and indulge in one of my favorite hobbies, street photography as I wanted to focus on my writing. He subtly suggested that this might be a mistake, because the creative energy I get from photography would transfer to my writing. I am glad and humbled—to confirm he was right. Ultimately the combination of contraries is both the sign and cause of our multi-sidedness, something to be encouraged in everyone. The other direction, one-sidedness, which for many leads to comfortable habits, can also lead to neurosis or the inability to tolerate ambiguity or being stuck.”
Joseph and Sheryl would ask you to empower yourself to once again trust the intuitive nature that is within each of us and accesses the energy of inspiration that flows from Universal source and informs us of our dual nature as both spiritual and physical beings with the potential to create the life we need through making choices that always, whether good or bad, give us the experience we need to grow and learn that life is an opportunity for knowing our greatest spiritual gifts.
Sheryl Glick, host of Healing From Within invites you to visit her website to read about and listen to leaders in the metaphysical scientific spiritual educational and transformational fields, visionaries , psychologists and energy healers who share insights into the human and divine aspects of our circle of life. Shows may also be heard on www.webtalkradio.net or www.dreamvisions7radio.com